Raising Children: Parents should not do these things with children at all

There was a wedding at the family and all the elders had gone to the bride’s house to do some ritual. We were just a few small children where the procession took place. I had some money from my grandmother and my aunt.

I explained to my swollen little sister that if she goes with me, she should buy toffees at the nearby store. He was sure he knew the way back.

We bought candy and got lost in the small alleys of Faridkot. Some of these streets were closed in front of a house after a few steps.

But I bravely took my little sister’s hand and continued. We were lost for a long time. Then we noticed a man on a scooter in front of his house. We said we both came to the house where the wedding is being held, so they took the help of other people and finally took us home.

When we got there we saw a bunch of adults on the street, very worried. I still remember how deeply I felt relieved at that moment, thinking that now I am safe again. But my aunt, who was the mother of the sister I was going with, came straight to us, took off her slippers, and hit her four-year-old daughter several times with it.

I could never forget that scene between a father and his son. We expected the elders to love us and hug us, but my little sister had to be beaten and listened to a lot to run away from home.

As a parent and as an adult, I now understand my aunt’s behavior. Was he afraid of what people would say? She was dying of embarrassment thinking she couldn’t even take care of her son. He wanted to teach his daughter a lesson. He wanted to create fear in her and remind her of her mother’s anger, so that she would never leave the house in the future.

My aunt was more afraid of the anger of her husband and the other elders in the family. He took all the stress out of his little girl, who was already crying in fear and who was so young that she couldn’t even fully understand her mistake.

That scene became a benchmark for me on how not to treat my son in any time of crisis. I could never forget the trauma of hitting a girl who hadn’t done anything wrong. I needed a caress. Not defeated.

As parents, we often find ourselves helpless when it comes to the safety of our children. There is often a state of fear and panic. But we cannot pass the burden of our fear and anger on to our child, who also faces many problems.

We need to seek help from other adults. We need to make sure our child feels safer being with us than without us.

As we grow older, most of us take our parents ’anger with us. Many times we are faced with situations where it seems that suffering with our parents is more dangerous than suffering outside.

I have some friends who had an accident or had a conflict with someone with their educational institutions, the exam did not go well, they needed an abortion or they needed any other medical help, so instead of seeking help at home, they talk about it. They were afraid of what would happen if their parents knew the truth.

In this situation, he felt better about taking all the risks himself without informing the parents. Just to keep his parents away from stress, he made these decisions, which put him in a serious health crisis.

If this is not one of the biggest failures of parents, what is it? The safest place for us should be our home and our family. But that doesn’t always happen. It is we who create these situations and do not even realize it, it is much worse.

We take out our anger against our children because it seems like this is the safest place to dump our negativity. If my aunt hadn’t been scared of herself, she wouldn’t have hit her little one. He could not dare to stand before the great people who were harassing him in his own life. But he could keep pushing his son.

That is why the Mayans take their anger out on their children. The father does the same. Children cannot respond at that time. Children feel helpless in front of adults.

The most dangerous thing is that the house is scolded by one of the elders of the family, becomes a critical voice within the child and harasses him throughout his life, for example, “I’m bad”, “I’m always wrong Being me is a problem.

Culturally, we have written and talked a lot about parents ’love for their children. But the love children have for their parents has been little understood. He hasn’t even had much recognition. Just as parents protect their children, children also want to protect their parents.

Do this when there are children around,

On the love of children, we stick to sticks like addiction, clinging and cowardice. We don’t trust each other. laugh at them. We fill the expression of children’s love with shame.

Most older people don’t even acknowledge their inability to receive love. We have very little experience in showing trust and respect in family circles. In the large joint families in which we grew up, we repeat the bad behavior to each other and we have no idea. Maintaining a sense of fear, control and domination has become a natural structure of parenting.

When children close their tongues and begin to live in a stretch, then we begin to draw arbitrary conclusions about them. We don’t even realize what’s around them that has pushed them into that shell. They want to say theirs, but that’s why we need to turn our relationship with them into a safe zone.

If you feel any resonance of these words in yourself, you must have known that the time has come to make a change. It’s time to put aside toxic ways and give your love of flowering a chance.

If your kids are around you now, hug them. If you are out, call them or send them a message. Both must be connected. This will heal everyone’s wounds.